sâmbătă, 23 ianuarie 2010

Changing your eyes with hers.Nothing.

O seara ca oricare alta se desfasura , putin imi pasa de ce ma incojura….aceasta seara urma sa fie una in care totul sa fie cat mai placut , cat mai enjoyable….
Dupa ce timpul trecuse ,iar solutia “eliberatoarea de alter ego”,acea parte din noi mai libertina , care se misca dupa ritmurile fericirii e mai mereu inchisa…acea solutie isi arata efectul , a eliberat acel ego….adevaratul sine al unei persoane.
Simtind ritmul , simtind bucuria , fluxul de fericire m-a cuprins ducandu-ma intr-un alt eu , in alter egoul meu.
Eliberandu-se , acesta a preluat controlul , grija , frica , stresul disparuse pe moment….dar vazand ochii albastrii , ceva s-a schimbat , starea de fericire s-a schimbat.
In interior eram macinat de ganduri , dar in exteriori , in viziunea lumii , eu paream fericit.Acele ganduri de mult uita-te s-au schimbat , de la dorinta reintalnirii , s-a ajuns la dorinta unui nou inceput , ESUAT!.
Ochii aceia albastrii ce m-a bantuiau isi schimbau culoarea , intr-o culoare mai inchisa….caprui…
Oare de ce?...
Poate ca a mea dorinta si-a schimbat cursul , din dorinta revenirii in trecut , dorinta retrairii acelor momente si sacrificul (care as vrea sa il fac eu de data asta)…..s-a ajuns la dorinta retrairii acelor sentimente intr-un plan nou , unul al carei sperante parea ca mi-ar zambi , dar NU.
Toate acele vorbe au devenit doar…poate minciuni , poate dorinte trecatoare , care in prezent s-au aratat ca fiind nimicuri (uitate).
Nu stiu ce sa mai cred , cred ceea ce vad , dar si aia se pare ca e acoperita de o iluzie a sperantei , care in momentul decisiv e mereu distrusa de vocea dura si asurzitoare a partii mele realistice , rece si cruda.
Acum tot ceea ce pot sa fac e sa uit acei ochi , sa ii las IARASI acoperiti de nisipul din clepsidra vietii , numit UITARE.
Nu vreau sa mai sper , nu vreau sa mai visez , vreau superfialicitate in iubire , vreau trecere indiferenta prin sentimente , ma vreau pe vechiu eu , nepasator….caring about NOTHING.
Why had I make that mistake? Why had I’ve wanted her ?..why was the hope so enormous , why do I cared..I don’t know , but one thins I know for sure…..HOPE IS NOTHING..hope is just a temporally ilusion.

sâmbătă, 9 ianuarie 2010

Your eyes into hers..

Sentimentul de mahmureala aparitia isi facea , bautura se terminase.Nu puteam continua starea de eliberare de realitate.Acum totul parea vag , confuz , indecis , deci la realitate m-am trezit.
Dar , in timpul eliberarii eului ascuns , in timpul constiinteti inchise , viata parea fara de griji , nici un sentiment rece din realitate nu ma bantuia…Pana cand , o pereche de ochi imi amintise.Acei ochi , care pana acum , mi-au lipsit se pare ca soarta mi a aratat,dar cu un pret,pretul suferintei.
In timpul eurofiei , in interior , auzeam cum inima imi batea , “se gandea” la ceva , sau poate cineva , ochii cuiva sentimetul mai puternic il facea.
Dar ce m-a putut aduce aici….sentimentul complesitor de singuratate , sau doar o amintire care o doream retraita.Dar poate era un nou inceput , ascuns in spatele albastrilor ochi.
Ce am privit,ce am vazut?...fericire,entuziasm,dorinta….cu o nesiguranta ascunsa in spatele unei dorinte.
Stand, gandindu-ma la alte trairi , alte experiente…..incercand sa scap de ale mele , eram tras inapoi tot mai puternic de propriile trairi .Refuzand sa le ascult cererea , razbunarea s-a pregatit pentru a fi trimisa.Un sentiment de tristete si de dor , dar de ce,nu pot sa imi dau seama.Dar, retraind amintirile , inima continua sa bata tot mai puternic , loviturile sale simtindu-le ca niste lovituri tot mai puternice impotriva sa….poate era dezamagirea ce batea la usa. Dar cu toate ca le simteam , atingandu-mi pieptul , bataile inimii nu le simteam , simtul tactical ma trada….ajutand gandurile sa ajunga sa ma conduca.
Asteptand sa treaca , ele deveneau tot mai puternice, lasand mintea intr-o stare meditativa , corpul nemiscandu-se deloc, oare mai respiram?
Rasetele m-au trezit la realitate .Eu ma vedeam ca un drum,iar lumea din jur, o vedeam ca iarba de la marginea drumului,simteam cum trec pe “langa” ei , dar tot “langa” ei ajugeam….despartit de realitate, sau disparut de printer ei ma simteam.Le simteam gandurile,privirile,actiunile ,imi doream sa ma intorc inapoi, dar drumul continua……intorcandu-ma inapoi unde eram.
Inapoi la realitate ,imi iau vechiul rol de personaj figurant, din viata celor in care apar.Normalitatatea ma cuprinde, dar inima continua sa bata.
Gandurile de nesiguranta doreau sa o linisteasca, dar ea continua sa bata provocand durere.Ii amintise ca avuse dreptate candva , dar inima nu accepta nimic in afara de risc.
Priveam luna , un vechi chip imi era aratat , dar schimbandu-se, prindea un alt contur, alte color , doar culoarea ochilor si a buzelor ramaneau la fel. Rosul arzator al lunii crestea , la fel ca si bataile inimii, pe masura ce suferinta crestea , durerea lua acelasi cale.
Un vechi drum ma astepta , dar schimbarea se simtea in aer , ceva imi era soptit , sau poate doar aluziile creau speranta , si indecizii.
Semne ale schimbarii , semene cotidiene, care nu le ia nimeni in seama, pot sa prezinte ceva , sau sunt doar niste sperante, create de o minte confuza , pierduta , ce vroia sa isi creeze un drum?....sau poate , cu mare nesiguranta si o speranta oarba , era soarta ce vroia sa iti arate un zambet.Dar, cu totii stim ca un zambet de la soarta te va costa o mie de lacrimi…..soarta e o tarfa, sau poate , noi suntem prea prosti pentru a decide.

Silence speaks

Everything started in a harbour tavern .
A dead man …..while sailing the endless ocean…has fought for his will has seens his death in his own boat …his own boat that sailed thourght his dreams.
But while his last hopes tried to fight for the surving of his dreams , all the boat crushed upon him….with what price?....
Blood on his hope’s face ,while death takes it’s offering , the realistic face of him , the cold and whitout dreams of him shoots him......and smile upon the death of…HOPE.

Throught the sleepless nights..remembering

Maybe..just maybe…this long night , this unknown night has remembaer me of something , of something I really want to blog…here
This night while partying , while feeling good , while forgetting about all the things I want to forget , I’ve remembered you .
Why?...the reason I don’t know but , I want this to not affect my future …my life…I tried to forget but..I don’t know , maybe you’re my dream come true , long as I live I’ll remember you…
Now the road if so long , but the entertain of it seems endless , or it will end when when the frustration of past will affect me…creating a new feeling , full of dead memories.
While my road continues , while my happy mood continues……a song came to my ears…a song of OUR , that has been , now it’s just a…..NOTHING.
I don’t know why it continued playing on and on…I really don’t know….
I tried to tell myself that it’s worthless to hope or dream , cause YOUR dream of love has came true….but my fucked up hope told me something else , something I don’t wanna remember , but maybe I just wanna feel….damned feelings .
But as the road continued that song came to my ears , that song , but as I walked along , I looked before and an endless light road went into the road I’ve walked to , and when the song said….”I remember you”…a car passed near me and went on its own road , maybe it’s a sign that you’ve passed away(from me) and not even stoped , just went into your own road , you road of life……
Why do I always remember you , you’re sacrifice to come here , you’re road to me , just to find me…..and I?...what I’ve done?..nothing….I should have come with you , but….I’m weak…too weak to come with you in that road…..all I want now is to hate myself fot that mistake….but….whit what point?.....maybe you’ll answer me one day….or as the life is the PURE irony…..you’ll never answer me…
Anyway….I’ve wanted just to say….I’ve remebered you……I have always remembered you….but why?...I don’t know….
The time has passed , everyone has changes….everything has changes….but the memory of you….has remaind the same.
We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

And another thought of mine….has been said by these versers
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain,
Washed away a dream of you.
But nothing else could ever take you away,
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true,
Oh my darling, I love you !!!!
One fucking end….BYE….or…..i don’t know….I’ll let you decide……..
Listen to forgotten hopes.